How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
