Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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