you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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