it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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