just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
