clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
