I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
