Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
