I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
