I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
