I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
there was a trapeze. enough said
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
