I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
