i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
