I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
