i just wanna soil my oats bro
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
