White coat. Heels.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
