she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
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The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
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Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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