I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Drunk walkin through police station. America
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
