let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
