My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
