Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
