I swear god or herbie drove my car home
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
