I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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