Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
