So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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