I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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