Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
