Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
