and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
