Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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