I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We just shotgunned beers for America
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
