Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize