If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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