They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
