gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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