You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
