Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
