A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
