I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
