I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
