Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
