Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
