The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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