Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
