He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
