I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
