I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Its about making memories worth repressing
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
