guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
