glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
