wakey wakey hands off snakey
You can't special order awesome
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
