I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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