I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
