hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
