guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize