"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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