Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
