Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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