so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Drunk is not a location!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
