imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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