Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
