Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
