i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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