honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
