the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
