i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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