i think my tv is drunk
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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