My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
