Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
