Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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