who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
