Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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