My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
