i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you will always have a special place in my vag
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
