I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
