win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
