your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Church boner. Awkwardddd
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
