sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the cops told us we were all naked.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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